MSN conversation
by lilacflame91
Summary: Someone's is screwing with Kankuro's head, but just who is the culprit... One-shot


MSN conversation.

Summary: Kankuro's day takes a turn for the worst when he begins to be harassed by a mysterious person on MSN. Kind of a crack fic, but that's what you get when you stick me and my friend in front of computer with nothing to do, and no internet….

Read and review if you will…

I wonder if you can work out who it is before Kankuro does.

Obviously:

**?** = Mysterious person

Kankuro = Err, Kankuro…

**?**: Haha you're from Suna!

Kankuro: Yes I believe I am but I can't do much about that now can I?

**?**: Yeah you can…. You could always leave…. And maybe come to our village.

Kankuro: Gimme directions and ill be right there!

**?**: Carry on through the desert, until you start to see trees. Then go through the forest. When you come to the other side you will be able to hear the sounds of Naruto screaming, when you do, follow the sound, and you'll reach our village!

Kankuro: Okay then but would you really want me there?

**?**: Well that really depends on who you are…

Kankuro: Guessguessguessguess!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im likin thre grammwr (and the spwelling tooo lol)

**?**: I'm sorry, I only converse with people who know how to speak and spell…..

Kankuro: Grrr….i'm NOT likin yo attitude bruvva…my names….shukaku

**?**: ???

Kankuro: Ok fine I'm really Kankuro but I'm not allowed on msn

**?**: Fine, but why do you want to leave your village? Besids, you don't even know who I am….. (I meant besides)

Kankuro: Well, I was gonna ask who your friend who didn't know your names was but I've met lots of besids and never a besides….

**?**: …Don't be stupid, other wise you'll never get to leave your village. And you still never said why you wanted to.

Kankuro: Um….it's a long story…but really….um….erm….

**?**: ?

Kankuro: I kinda….ahem….fancy someone in Konoha,…..if that's where your at…ican'tbelieveijusttoldacompletestrangerthatohmygodi'manidiot

**?**: Yeah, I'm from Konoha. Who is it you fancy then…?

Kankuro: I ain't tellin YOU….if you tell me who you fancy…then I might

**?**: Erm… I don't really…. But I might be able to help you if you tell me who it is, I might be able to arrange a meeting…

Kankuro: *bursts into tears* I CANT!!!!!!!!!! Temari will kill me…

**?**: Why? Is she there with you???

Kankuro: No….she doesn't like me using the internet…after last time *shudders*

**?**: Why? What happened? She's not that bad, so you must really have done something wrong….

Kankuro: Well….IT WAS GAARA NOT ME!!!!!!!!! Dammit, why doe nobody every fall for that one anymore?!

**?**: Coz it's a lie… what happened.

Kankuro: Um…we kinda….erm…hmm..emailedpicturesofTemaritothepersonshefancies

**?**: It was you who sent those?!? ….. I mean…. Yeah, I heard about that… *ahem*

Kankuro: We felt bad _after…_but maybe…well it was funny at the time…now she is really angry with me cos she cant be angry with Gaara….and if she finds out who I fancy she'll use some scary jutsu on me vwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

**?**: I'm sure she won't find out…. I won't tell her, so you've got nothing to worry about, have you….

Kankuro: I don't know if I can trust you though do I? And even if you don't tell her you might go and tell him…I mean….eep…I didn't say anything YOU GOT THAT!!!!!!!!! Nothing…

**?:** Him eh….. well, now you have to tell me…. And don't worry, I won't say anything. It would be to much of a drag…..

Kankuro: …..sorry, what did you just say *sweat*?

**?:** What do you mean? You can read what I said…. Why, what was it?

Kankuro: You…you said….oh dear….

**?:** No, I didn't say oh dear….. at least I think I didn't…. this is such a drag….

Kankuro: Argggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh! You said it again….oh god….that means…unlesss. Oh no…wait…hmm, I never said who I fancied did I?!

**?:**You said it was a guy….. I still don't see what I said….. oh wait, I get it…. You have a drag fetish!

Kankuro: WHAT!!!!!!!!!….ok now im confused….um….no I don't have one of those…um….

**?:** So whats the problem then? Hurry up, this is becoming really troublesome…

Kankuro: …………………what did you say……….?

**?: **I said your taking too long…. Get to the point already….. man, what a drag!

Kankuro: I…..I….um…ive got togonowokseeya…..eeep

**?:** Why, has your sister come back? Can you tell her to come and talk if she has.

Kankuro: Erm…_yeah…_ill…do that…who shall I say wants to speak to her?

**?:** Sarutobi Asuma.

Kankuro: Erm ok….um you wont tell her who I fancy will you…

**?: **No, of course I won't…. and who was that again?

Kankuro: *Sigh* I guess a jounin wouldn't be cruel enough to say anything….I…I fancy…..ShikamaruokthereIsaidit bye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Backs away sloooowllly*

**?:** …………. Errr, Kankuro………………

Kankuro: *approaching, cautiously* Yeah what?

**?:**Since when?

Kankuro: Grrr…you better not tell anyone….um…I dunno, ages…longer than Temari dammit

**?:** So you and your sister fancy the same person….

Kankuro: Um….yeah….but she doesn't know that and if she did she would so take the mick.

**?: **If all you've got to worry about is her taking the mick, then you don't have much of a problem do you.

Kankuro: Um, hello! Do you know what kind of things that girl would do? Her own little brother…she'd go and tell him *blushes*

**?:** Well maybe you should tell him before she does, then she won't be able to use it against you….

Kankuro: Really?…..but what if he doesn't like me…

**?: **Then at least you'd know that you'd been honest…

Kankuro: Ah screw that!!!!! I don't wanna be honest I wanna go out with him….I mean….ahem

**?:** And what if he didn't feel the same? What would you do? And are you ever going to tell your sister? Families shouldn't keep secrets from each other.

Kankuro: Oh yeah? Well I think people shouldn't keep babies and lovers secret either Asuma! Ha what do ya think of that grrr

**?: **I completely agree with you… I'll say something to Asuma the next time I see him.

Kankuro: ………you what? Ok, do you have a split personality too Asuma, I mean its ok, I've had to deal with that kind of stuff don't worry, you can tell me

**?: **What do you mean? I'm not Asuma….. where did you get that idea from?

Kankuro: But…..but you said….WHO THE FREAKIN HELL ARE YOU THEN??????????!!!!!!!!!

**?:** I am myself…. I am also very tired…… I've been on the computer too long. I should go outside and watch some clouds….

Kankuro: ………no……..

**?: **Awww, but I want to….

Kankuro: ……..*stares at the screen, looking horrified*….you….you're not…..

**?:** Oh come on, now you're just being mean. You can't stop me….. damn, this is such a drag…..

Kankuro: *crying quietly* what did I do to deserve this……….i wasn't a bad kid…..this isn't fair!!!!!!!!!!

**?:** What's not fair??? I only said I wanted to go and watch clouds…. Its not that big a deal…..

Kankuro: But…..this is cruel….you said you were Asuma……

**?:** I know I did, why would I say anything else???

Kankuro: Wha…? I don't understand….you are *blush* Shikamaru right?

**?:** I never said that I was Shikamaru……. But then I never said I wasn't…. hmmmm…

Kankuro: Stop doing this to me!!!!!!!!!!!! Cant you tell I'm emotional!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**?: **Man, you've gotta stop this…. How long are you gonna keep this up for… this is so mean!!!

Kankuro: Ok…………um…..you know, I said I _fancy _you not hate you or whatever, so why are you screwing with my mind? Why cant you be nice *sniff*

**?: **But _you're _screwing with _my_ mind…. How can you do this to me….. don't you know how cruel you're being?!?

Kankuro: Ugh………….Shikamaru?…….are you ok?……

**?:**I'm not shikamaru, I'm Kankuro….

Kankuro: OH FOR THE LOVE OF FREAKIN GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Starts crying again* I've fancied you for ages and ages, I like you cos your funny and nice but now your just hurting me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**?: **I'm sorry Kankuro, I didn't mean to hurt you…. But I was never Shikamaru to begin with…… I just wanted you to think I was….

Kankuro: But….but why? I mean, why do you have to play a cruel trick on someone like that? Its just not right! You mean !!*!!!!!!!!!

**?:** Oh come on, that's not fair…. I just had to get you to fess up, and I couldn't think of any other way… I'll make it up to you okay…. But now that you've admitted it….

Kankuro: Why do I even have to admit it to you YOU EVIL LITTLE….hang on, who the hell did you say you were in the end anyway? I don't get what this is all about? Why didn't you get Sasuke to fess up his love for whoever? Why me….

**?:** Because, I'm not interested in that little fool, it was you that I needed the truth from…. So that's why I had to do this…. Besides….. [Gaara walks in behind Kankuro, carrying his laptop] you never would have said other wise…… I wonder what Temari would say…..

Kankuro: You…you little…whoever you bloody are,…if you tell my sister…I swear I'll…..I'll…well I'll beat the crap out of you, you hear me!!!!!!!!!!! I am not gonna lose to her dammit.

**?: **Do I need to get the Anbu onto you for threatening action**?** Hehe, I find it unlikely that she won't have noticed….. you always zone out, just at the mention of his name…. She's not stupid you know….. *pauses* And she's certainly not as easy to fool as you are…

Kankuro: Grrrr….little…..fine…I'm not gonna beat you up….you're not worth the bother, but…hey! I do not zone out every time you say Shikamaru *zones out* um…yeah…sorry, what was I saying, oh yeah…..please don't tell Temari!!!!!!!!!! Please…..i'll do anything…

**?: **Do my chores for a year.

Kankuro: Who the hell are you, what chores and where do I do them?

**?:** Hehe, I'm your worst nightmare….. yeah, anyway. You can cover all of the stuff that's not necessary for me to do, and that's as well as keeping up with your own work….

Kankuro: Oh man….this is the worst day of my life!!!!!!!! Ok, that a bit over dramatic, I'll say, third worst day of my life….yeah that'll do….ok fine, but I have to have time to do my own stuff yeah….

**?: **Hmm, if you say so… just for the record, what was the worst day of your life?

Kankuro: And why the hell should I tell you? Hmm?

**?: **Coz otherwise I'll tell Temari….

Kankuro: No….please don't do that…..ok, but it wont mean much to you anyway…whoever you freakin are *looks confused* yeah…

**?: **I won't if you tell me…

Kankuro: Won't what…oh…right…um…yeah I'll tell you, but don't say anything to Gaara ok, he'll think I'm a wuss

**?: ***Smirks* sure, I won't tell him a thing….. not one little tiny thing.

Kankuro: I don't like the tone of your voice…its hinting at something, but hell, I'm too wound up to give a damn so here goes….*sigh* he doesn't know…oh man this is embarrassing…fine…Gaara doesn't know that…I cried when he said he didn't think of me as a brother…there is that a good enough confession…? That was a bad day…

**?: ***Rolls eyes* is that really your worst memory? Isn't there anything sadder or scarier than that….?

Kankuro: Well Gaara killed my mother does that do for ya?

**?: **I DID NOT….. ummm, I mean, yeah, I guess that's good enough….. *mutters* any other juicy gossip?

Kankuro: Nope…I reckon he secretly fancies that Lee kid though…now that's what I call zoning out…ha ha ha

**?: **Aren't you being _slightly_ hypocritical here….. you're the one obsessing over Shikamaru……

Kankuro: Sorry, I missed that I was um…never mind…and no I'm not being hypocritical….Shikamaru's way better than Lee, come on!

**?: **Only coz Lee's a freak…. Both of them are crap, be fair…

Kankuro: Oi! Don't let Temari catch you saying that…if you even know who she is….this could all just be an elaborate scam….hmmmm

**?: **Nah, even she wouldn't do this….. [phone rings in background] oh hang on, I've just got to go and get the phone [leaves room]

Kankuro: Hmm….that's a coincidence…how come this guy's phone rang at the same time our did…ah well, whilst he's gone, I'm gonna find out if Temari really does have Shikamaru's msn….he he he….ah he's cute

**?: **[comes back online] sorry, that was….. Shikamaru. I really wish he'd stop ringing when I'm online….

Kankuro: Why is he ringing you!!!!!!!!!! I WANT HIS NUMBER!!!!!!!!! Oh man, who am I kidding, he'd never fancy me…

**?: **He was passing on a message from a friend…. A friend that I owe a lot to…. But yeah, anyway, he didn't want to talk, coz I'm never the one that he's really ringing for…. Ah well, I've passed the phone over now…. He should stop using excuses to ring here….

Kankuro: Ah well…maybe someday….*sigh* what was his excuse**?**

**?: **Passing a message on….. duh….

Kankuro: Oh…right….sorry…can I ask you an honest question, weird nasty unnamed msn stalker person?

**?: **Shorten the name a bit and I'll let you…

Kankuro: Ok…w.n.u.m.s.p he he nice name loser…anyway, do you think I'll ever have a chance? Who does _he_ fancy anyway?

**?: **I cannot tell you that, as it was told to me in confidence….. I do not know if you will ever have a chance…. But even if it is not now, you may still have in the future….. as long as temari doesn't get her hands on you…..

Kankuro: Eeeep! I cant let that happen…are you that horoscope person from one of Temari's lousy girl magazines? It would be funny if you were lol…ah well…so…what do ya think I should do horoscope lady guy

**?: ***Rolls eyes* yeah, of course I'm one of those people….. I think that you will have to be careful, as I believe that your sister will be finishing her phone call soon….. you may need to stay out of her way, in case she finds this conversation…. Or perhaps she will force you to speak with her willpower….. ah yes, I think I hear… I mean sense her coming now….

Kankuro: Eh? Ok, let me get one thing straight here….why the jesus god do you care about who I fancy anyway!!!!!!!!!!!!????????? What do you care if I fancy a boy or a girl? Why do you want to know this stuff anyway!!!!!!!!! Go and pester somebody you know….or somebody who knows you anyway….yeah, I confused myself too…

**?: **[waving to Temari, who has just entered the room] but why should I not care that you fancy SHIKAMARU! I'm just looking out for you…. [laughing at Temari's expression]

Kankuro: *sobbing* ok I admit it [shouts out loud] I FANCY SHIKAMARU BECAUSE HE'S A KIND PERSON AND I DON'T CARE IF TEMARI FANCIES HIM TOO, I LIKED HIM AGES BEFORE SHE DID AND SO WHAT ANYWAY? IF YOU ACTUALLY KNOW WHO I AM THEN YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY THAT I FOUND SOMEBODY TO CARE ABOUT YOU LONELY LOSER!!!!!!!

**?: **[in stitches on the floor] well, now you've told them….. see doesn't that feel better!

Kankuro: What do you mean told them…? Temari's out and Gaara is god knows where doing god knows what to god knows who! Nobody is here…and hang on…I said that out loud, I didn't type it so how can you have…

**?: **Perhaps your younger brother is infact online…..

Kankuro: What do you….no…he's out somewhere enjoying the thrills of killing people for pleasure the little git….hes not wasting his time on a computer…

**?: **Like you are you mean…. Well, perhaps I could hear what you were shouting, but then I expect all the ninja villages could hear that racket….

Kankuro: Um….just for the record…erm Shikamaru isn't in one of those villages right now yeah?! Yeah?!!!!!…..oh dear god….I have said something very embarrassing very loud and in an inhabited place that isn't my own mind….

**?: **I wouldn't know where he is, but I do know that you were heard, and by more than one person too….

Kankuro: Oh………………….well, who exactly**?**

**?: **Why don't you find out for yourself…

Kankuro: *Swallows nervously* er…ok, where do I start….um….

**?: **turning around might be a good idea….

Kankuro: Well yeah I'd hope so you stupid…..*eyes widen in shock* oh…..well…?)….[turns round]

**?: **[logs off] hehe, now you finally get it….. took you long enough…

Kankuro: G…Gaara…? Um…….ihaveareallyimportantthingtodonowsoigottagoseeya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Temari: [(grabs Kankuro] oh no you don't. you're staying right here….

Gaara: [sprawled out on the floor] now this I'll enjoy….

Kankuro: Temari…..ah……well, thing is….you know….oh I am so screwed…..

Gaara: indeed you are…..

Kankuro: *very angry* YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH YOU…erm…I….

Gaara: you were saying…

Kankuro: erm….i said a lot of things…I don't really remember most of it….um…anything in particular you want to talk about….

Gaara: how about how gullible you are…

Temari: screw that! What the fuck are you thinking!!!

Kankuro: Well right now…..um…..what I meant to say….was….um….hi, how was your day….?

Gaara: well, I think I have some business to attend to, so I'll just leave you two to have a little chat, okay?

Kankuro:*Trying to grab him, whilst in a headlock* Don't you leave me here with her…..owwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!

The End…

Aww, poor Kankuro, Gaara really messed with his head. Sand Sib revenge is so much fun. So yeah, this was co written by my friend Bella, and it still makes us laugh when we read it now… we can be pretty random when we want to. Shout out again to Beckylovesgigs, so see what you think of this.

By the way, this was the first of many random co written, almost-crack-fics. If anyone actually thinks that this is any good, then I might consider putting up some of the others… if they're understandable, that is. So yeah, let me know what you thought of it. Maybe I'll get around to doing a proper Naruto fic soon, but I know that I have to do my others first. (Including as of yet unpublished ones…)

Thanks for reading…


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